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Midlife Spirits..
By Dr. Joan F. Marques
In the past few weeks, I have communicated with several people in their
midlife, and while they were all experiencing different issues and moods,
varying from severe depression to simple dissatisfaction with themselves
or their living circumstances, they all had one common theme in their
concerns: searching. It seemed to me that all these people, including
myself, are searching. For what? I’m not sure. Maybe peace or quiet.
Maybe honor or satisfaction with their achievements. Maybe even the
formulation of what they really want to achieve!
It seems that people, when they approach midlife, start a second stage in
which they determine that the goals they were chasing when they were
younger don’t add up anymore to their current sense of gratification. So,
they find themselves searching all over again, at a time when they had
anticipated they’d be set for life. Now, this doesn’t count for all
people in midlife, but I’d say that it does for a significant percentage.
It’s not even hard to verify this fact, as the time between 40 and 60 is
when many men and women start doing the strangest things. The men cling
to tough motorcycles and flashy sport cars to prove something to the
world, but maybe even more to themselves. Many of them start dating much
younger women as well. The women in midlife hurry to hide their gray
hairs behind a permanent color, and start using all kinds of age defying
potions and diets. Not that there’s anything wrong with looking good: We
should all try to be healthy and do whatever we can to look decent. But
these attempts should first and foremost be for our own sense of dignity,
and not for what others may or may not think of us. If renewal equals
merely an age-battle for us, we’re not really addressing the problem.
Renewing ourselves starts deep inside: with the way we look at ourselves
- and the world. There’s nothing wrong with growing older, as long as we
accept it gracefully. Renewal gets enhanced by communicating with others,
reading, surfing the Net, and thinking. And it should not be dictated by
our surroundings as much as it should be our own will.
Many people in midlife are disappointed, whether that is because of a
broken long-term relationship, a derailed career, or children that did
not turn out the way we envisioned: there are tons of reasons why people
can be disheartened around this period. It may also have to do with the
realization that this age is an in-between stage: One is not as young
anymore to party all night, and still attend work bright and early
without a relentless hangover, and not young enough to date another new
star every night (even though some might try to at their own demise). On
the other side, the dismay around this life stage also has to do with the
realization that one is not old enough either to just forget about
everything. It’s not time to sit back and relax yet, especially not in
the world of today where reposing makes you obsolete overnight!
One idea that crossed my mind recently is that, in midlife, we may start
realizing that we need to hurry up if we still want to leave a legacy. We
need to have formulated what it is that we want, and then go for it. But
that’s all easier said than done, of course. Some thought that they were
on a good track, only to find at this age that it was not. And that’s the
trouble.
Many of us, in midlife, feel depressed through reflection. We look back
at our lives and think: was that all there was to it? What did I really
do so far, and what have I learned from my mistakes? It may very well be
that around this time we get a bit more in touch with our spiritual side
and start wondering if our purpose was to learn from the mistakes we
repeatedly made, and from which many of us did not learn well enough so
far.
Individuals who keep running into abusive or untruthful partners, those
who keep running into mean-spirited supervisors and unsatisfying jobs,
and those who keep falling into deteriorating habits such as smoking,
drinking, or drugs, should, perhaps, start wondering what it is that
they’re doing wrong, and where they have to apply critical changes in
their perspectives and actions.
Midlife is a fascinating stage, and for many of us it brings interesting
challenges that result in changes of directions, sometimes so radical,
that friends, colleagues, children and spouses cannot understand them.
However, as long as peace of mind, dignity, and self-respect are the
ultimate rewards of this midlife struggle, it may be worth it. The
question remains, will they?
Dr. Joan Marques (www.joanmarques.com) stands for more than 20 successful
years in advertising, public relations, radio- and television production,
show-hosting; and dynamic entrepreneurship. In Suriname, her home
country, she founded and managed several small businesses and a
non-profit organization focused on advancement of women. She is the
author of, among others, “The Awakened Leader: One Simple Leadership
Style, That Works Every Time, Everywhere”, and co-author of “Spirituality
in the Workplace: What it Means; Why it Matters; How to Make it Work for
You.” Currently, Joan facilitates courses in business and management at
Woodbury University in Burbank, California; presents a weekly radio
column on personal excellence in the Netherlands; and regularly
co-organizes and presents workshops and inspirational sessions for
business executives and scholars in the Los Angeles area, through the
Business Renaissance Institute, (www.bri-usa.com) which she co-founded in
2004.Joan has authored
Visit my website at: www.joanmarques.com
It is better to live in serene poverty than in hectic affluence.
Everything has a price. The price for nurturing your soul is turning away
from excessive stress, destruction of self-respect, and the constant
strive in lifestyle with the Joneses. But it’s worth it.
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